She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize