she was so not down for the gang bang
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize