I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
