how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
