There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
