Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
