Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
