Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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