There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
