can we get nightvision for the apartment?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize