don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
