I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
