I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
