ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
