did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize