That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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