Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
