OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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