:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize
