After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
