go do what you do best...puke behind churches
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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