My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
