just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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