Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
