That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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