I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
