can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
