I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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