I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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