My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
