So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
