not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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