It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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