I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
