I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
