i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Green mimosas i think yes
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
