I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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