It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
