yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i was born a porn star she said
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
