If i come over, it means nothing
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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