Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
