The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
