I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
