i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
