STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
it glows. i had to have it.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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