Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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