I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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