So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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