I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
