Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
