I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
