So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
