the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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