would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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