You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
