I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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