Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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