So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Randomize
