I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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