$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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