I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
