we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
