whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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