I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Randomize
