i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Randomize
