You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Randomize
