The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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