I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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