Whod you bang
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
