omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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