So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
