You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
