were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I just want to make out with him forever
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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