Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
