we're blogging at a bar
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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