I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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