i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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