just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Randomize
