you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
It's rum buckets o'clock
It was a blind-side dick pic.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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