My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i barfeds in our rink
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
i drank out of a bidet.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
