just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
