You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
