hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
it's like iHOP with fire
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
