So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
no you cant smoke seaweed
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize