there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
