I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
