I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
barbara walters just said penis...
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
foreskin is a definite game changer
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
