I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
