he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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