I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
