Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
