and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
