First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
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