I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Randomize
