Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize