remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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