Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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