Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
