I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
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