My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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