I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
