it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
