The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
