yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
she peed on how many people?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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