so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
