I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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