I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Randomize
