Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize