Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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